And so Erica was due for her “proper” hens night in Singapore. Apparently her hens night in Australia didn’t count. Pffft….. I call shenanigans. It’s just a way of her to have two hens nights! Not fair…. not fair at all! But anyhoo, I digress. Ericas GQ lasses had planned a hens night for her of which she was to have absolutely no knowledge of.

Me, from a guys point of view, did have a few worries. After hearing some stories, and seeing some photos, of a previous hens night that was thrown for one of her close friends, I believe I had some reason to be afraid, or in the very least cautious. Now before I go on, Erica and I have been at loggerheads over the whole Bucks Night Vs Hens Night issue and which one is to be considered “worse”, for lack of a better expression.

For me, I think a traditional Hens nights is far worse than a traditional Bucks night. Let’s break it down a bit to see what we generally try to accomplish from the evenings.

Bucks Night Objective: Humiliate the buck as much as possible
Hens Night Objective: Embarrass the hen as much as possible

Not on the surface, they both have some similarities. But in my book, the book of me, life is full of similarities on the surface. Once you dig deeper, the similarities come quickly to an end. Now for the record, I’m talking about traditional bucks and hens nights. Not the crazy ones which involve parties cheating or sleeping with other randoms or strippers or what not. I’m talking the plain and simple. Now lets break it down a bit more. What constitutes the absolute basis for *most* traditional hens nights?

Bucks Night requirements: Female Strippers, booze.
Hens Night requirements: Male Strippers, booze, social interaction with randoms.

And right there is the crux of the argument that I shall soon be presenting. Now of course I understand that there are cases of bucks interacting with other random girls, or hens whom don’t interact at all with any guys. But from my experience and the experiences I’ve heard from others, this seems to be the case. It’s solely my perspective on my exposure to the world of Hens and Bucks Nights.


The Bucks Night
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A male hens night generally involves female strippers, booze, booze, and pain/humiliation of the buck. Sometimes the buck gets away with mere embarrassment, but usually the crew that he’s with shoot for humiliation. Sometimes they miss, or sometimes they develop a conscience. But that’s the gist of it. Now for the unenlightened, there is generally NO contact between strippers and their patrons/clients/customers. Lay a finger on a female stripper, and at club or home, you’re likely to have your arm ripped off by their big, burly escort before you can shout “accident!”. It’s a strictly no contact cock tease between him. And aside from strippers, there’s booze. Alot of booze. The boys all gather at a watering hole somewhere, and proceed to drink their sorrows for the poor bastard that is getting married away. There generally is no enforced social interaction with random strangers unless it be an impromptu thing.

The Hens Night
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A hens night, like the buck, involves embarrassing the hen. They don’t humiliate the hen because lets face it….. girls generally don’t enjoy being humiliated. Of course no guy enjoys it either, but it seems to be socially acceptable to humiliate men and not women. Dammit…. Now although a stripper (male) isn’t as much of a pre-requisite for a hens night that it seems to be for a buck, it still is staple part of most hens nights that I know of. Now here’s the first key difference between a male and female stripper.

A female stripper will almost never place her hands on you, and generally the most contact you *may* get is your face stuck in their boobs, for the trashier, home delivered variety of strippers. No hand contact, either her on you or you on her. However, males strippers follow a totally different protocol. For a male stripper performing for a female, the entire show is ALL about interaction. It is all hands on. It’s about him putting his hands all over her, and him putting her hands all over him. And I’m talking in some cases, and not that uncommonly, ALL over! Now it’s generally all good innocent fun, and despite the differences in contact protocols, there rarely is anything sinister or debaucherous about the whole thing.

But the night doesn’t end there. Another pre-requisite for hens nights is social interaction with members of the opposite sex. Where be it a flirt, a kiss, or something more, there is generally a pre-planned night of social interaction with members of the opposite sex involved. Sometimes it’s in the form of games, other times simple dares. But it seems to feed into the theory or belief that women thrive on attention alot more than men do.

The Argument
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Now so far we have some differences, and so far it all kinda seems innocent enough. But the age old argument of which is worse which has raged for eons remains unanswered. For me, I say, clear cut, that the hens night is worse. Why? Well, basically what women fail to realise, or perhaps choose not to realise, is that from a guys perspective, socially interacting with guys in the “hens nights” fashion is not all as innocent as it’s cracked up to be. Basically, a hen is pressured by her crew to flirt and interact with random men. Now this generally takes place in a venue of which booze is the only thing on the menu, and most of the patrons have already ordered a few things from that menu. Anyone whom thinks that a bar/club/pub is not a testosterone and hormone fuelled haven of possible sin is just deluding themselves. Where do guys go to pick up? Bars. Where do girls go to pick up? Bars. Now here you have a (lets for arguments sake say hot) hot hen throwing herself at guys. Her friends are pressuring her to approach guys for stupid random reasons. She’s thinking that it’s all in good fun, it’s all innocent, I’m just going to let myself go.

On the other side you have the guys. Here you have a hot girl throwing herself at you, trying to flirt with you, sometimes trying to kiss you. You know it’s a hens night, and she’s obviously had alot to drink. Generally, I can tell you straight up and now that one of the many things going through their mind is “Ooo you’re hot, I’d love to fuck you”. Simple as that. Single status assuming, most guys would take the opportunity to dirty dance, flirt back, and obviously try to get as much out of the situation (whatever that may be) as possible because hey, we don’t know who you’re marrying, so you’re fair game! Now the chances of the situation escalating to something extreme are slim, because at the end of the day, the hen hopefully has a good bunch of friends looking out for her.

But that being said, they are all up for her to do things that still would otherwise be inappropriate for a taken girl in any other situation. A bucks night is really no different from any other night. It’s not uncommon for guys to go to a strip club just for laughs with the boys (western society). However, it is generally unacceptable for a girl to get drunk, go to a bar, and dirty dance/flirt/peck/pash/snuggle with random guys. Basically a bucks night is not hormone fuelled. Whereas a hens night is.

What women don’t seem to see is that the context of the situation is totally different from that of a man. It’s much more than the technical environment that makes the situation as bad as it may be, it’s the context. I told Erica before her hens night that she could peck a stripper, she could grope a stripper (which she actually did), and I really don’t care because at the end of the day. It’s his job, he’s a professional. However, I will be extremely disappointed and unhappy if she did the same in a club with a random guy. Because at the end of the day, this is what single people do on weekends. Kissing and flirting with a random guy whom obviously wants to fuck you is just a major no no. And alcohol and hormones being what they are, it’s quite easy for your body to act in a fashion that the mind would disagree with.

This comes from anecdotal evidence of friends whom have witnessed, and partook, in said escalated shenanigans on hens night so yes, it can be quite common. It’s almost a science, and it is playing with fire. And in that respect, I think that a hens night is far worse than a bucks night. Because of the context of the situation.

Guys are horsing around with girls whom really don’t want to have anything to do with them, but are paid to. On top of girls doing the same with male strippers, they are cavorting and horsing around with guys whom probably want to do them. And the girl may possibly like to return the favour, but knows she can’t. Danger Will Robinson Danger!

So there you have it. I’m totally okay with my girl doing everything that would normally happen on her hens night, but I would tend to draw the line at her kissing another guy, because I would never do it with another girl. Stripper, thats fine. Random guy? No. The reason? The context of the situation.