I’m not a fan of “I told you So”s. It gives me the shits when people set that expression of smugness on their face, suck in their breath, and breath out those words. If I had my way I would dish out on the spot fines (a fist to the face sounds suitable) for everyone who would smugly utter those words.
But sometimes…. just sometimes, there is a time and place for it. Perhaps not, but sometimes, the moment and timing of it is just too perfect, too apt, and way to suitable to resist.
Judging from the previous hens night of one of Ericas other GQ gals, it was always obvious that Ericas Hens night was going to be a big one. Even with a hens night of one under their belt, it was clear what the modus operandi of the GQ were. And that would be that my lovely wife was definitely not getting off that easy!
Now Erica swore black and blue to me in the days preceeding the Hens night that she was NOT going to get drunk. In fact she was not even going to drink much at all. Her hens night was to be 2 nights before the wedding, which assuming she did have a big night, would leave her less than 24 hours to recover…. far less. Erica said that after a big night of drinking her body takes an entire weekend to recover, and even then sometimes it still feels the effects, and as such she will exercise self control, restraint, and make sure that she would return home still within a reasonable state of body, mind, and sobriety.
My response? “Yeah right!!”, “As if!”, “No way!”. Yep, I indeed played the sceptic husband to perfection every time I heard her protest as to how good she’s going to be on the night. I told her “You’re going to get drunk, it’s your hens night, there’s no conceivable way that you’re not going to end up drunk”. She protested, and the whole discussion went on for days. I would tell her just accept it and get drunk but not smashed, and she would tell me how much the wedding meant to her and that she wanted to be in top shape for it. Heh…. how naive she is.
And so the day came of which she was to be christened and prepped for marriage as all brides must be. For like the bucks night, the hens night is a rite of passage that every bride to be must go through. Its a tradition and one that is truly worth keeping. Now truth be told I did have a few butterflies in my stomach, as my exposure to some of the stories and photos I’ve seen of previous hens nights have left me somewhat…. nervous. But at the end of the day I trusted Erica. If ever there was a girl I could trust, I would have put money on her. And so I told her of my fears and worries based on my previous experiences, and she put them all at ease. That she won’t kiss any other random guys etc etc because that’s something that means alot and is very intimate to me, but she’s got the green light for anything else really. Without being silly of course. She knows I basically will let her do anything she wants but it’s good to get my worries off my chest anyway.
I told her to just pretend I don’t exist and just have a good time with her gals, and go drink up! Once again, she gave me assurances which I didn’t believe (though she did) that she was not going to drink much. And so at 6:30pm, we parted ways. She left my hotel at the Royal Plaza on Scotts to go back to where she was staying at the Orchard Park Suits to get ready for the night.
I had dinner and drinks planned with my groomsmen whom all arrived in Singapore from Sydney that night. So it was going to be a good night for all.
And so it was 1:30am and my friends and I were drinking away in the Heat Lounge at the Hotel when I got a call from my lovely wife. Now this is where this story starts to get interesting. At 1:30am, Erica was the most high I’ve ever heard her sound in the entire time I’ve known her. She was roaring drunk, at 1:30am. I’ve never…. ever…. heard her sound as drunk as she was right then. They had been to the Gotham Penthouse which was a male strip club, Attica which is a bar, and are now at the Ministry of Sound which is a club. And she…was…. hammered!
I left the company of my friends to chat to her and find out how her night was. It was kinda hard to get a word in, because she was drunkenly regaling me with tales of her new best friend, The Rabbit (which is an awesome vibrator/dildo thing btw), and a blow up doll. She wasn’t making much sense, and was jumping back and forth with her stories so it was kinda hard to keep up with her. But I kept laughing because she just sounded so damn funny. And her not making much sense was kinda funny too. She did however say one thing which kinda worried me a tad.
Basically, without any context nor explanation, she said that someone had actually taken their dick out and put it in the mouth of the blow up doll. Naturally I had no understanding of the situation, and as is to be expected I found that to be an extremely strange thing for someone to do in a club. And just when I thought that was it, right on the back of her saying that someone had violated the mouth of her seemingly innocent blow up doll with his filthy meat popsicle, she started telling me that she had groped or had her hand one of the strippers “cock”, to quote the term she used, and hoped that I wasn’t angry and that I was okay with it.
Truth be told I think I was just totally shocked and didn’t know what to say, but I just laughed and told her that of course I wasn’t, and that I just wanted her to have a good night. Now remember, she had given me absolutely no situational awareness or context of what she was saying, and truth be told it sounded quite horrible. My mind was conjuring up all sorts of crazy images! I was thinking that one of the strippers had taken his wang out and stuck in her doll, and she just couldn’t help putting her hands all over it! And then it started escalating in my mind until I was thinking that Erica and done some really nasty stuff that night! I tried to get more information about it out of her while laughing and seeming like it was the most okay thing in the world for your wife to fondle a strippers member, but she was so drunk that I couldn’t get a straight answer out of her.
But at the end of it I didn’t want to say or do anything to ruin her night, and I asked myself if I trusted Erica or not? Simple yes or no question to myself. The answer was yes, though the situation did seem rather dodgy. So I told her not to worry about me and just to enjoy herself and did my best to seem like the happiest chap on the planet so I wouldn’t affect her night. Now comes another worrying part.
It was 1:30am, and Erica was absolutely maggoted. She kept repeating to me again and again that she wanted to go to Zouk. She just kept saying “I want to go to Zouk, I want to go to Zouk, I want to go to Zouk”. It was then that I knew this wasn’t going to end well. If she was that smashed at 1:30am with a club still left to go to, by the end of the night, she is going to be unconscious. This was not going to end well…. I tried to tell her to take care of herself, drink as much water as she possibly can to rehydrate, and just take care but all her gal pals ended up pulling her off the phone.
And so that ended my night, or so I thought. The lads and I adjourned just before 2am and we retired to our rooms. I couldn’t sleep a wink because I was so worried about Erica and the state that she was in. And of course, all the nasty stuff which was running through my mind. I sent her an SMS around 4am asking if she was home yet? No response. At 4:30am I called her phone just to make sure she was okay and so I could get some sleep.
Her dad answered the phone instead of Erica, and told me that Erica was really really drunk and in a bad way. All I could hear in the background was the most horrible and woeful retching sound I’ve ever heard. I honestly sounded like someone was in the throes of death in the background. I asked her dad if he needed me to come of over to help, but he said I needed my rest and not to worry. So he hung up. I was so worried that I jumped straight into my clothes, and sprinted straight for her hotel at 4:30am.
When I got to their serviced apartment I knocked on the door and my FIL answered, he was quite surprised to see me. So he let me in and I ran to find Erica. it was horrible…. there was vomit everywhere. She was retching her guts out into the toilet whilst her mum was rubbing her back. There was vomit on the toilet door, vomit on the floor, on the toilet, and on her. I told her mum that I’ll take over and did my best to cradle her over the toilet.
She was basically unconscious, but yet her body just had a life of its own. When I tilted her back her head flopped over and her eyes were just rolling all over the place. She had almost no muscular response and it was only when someone tried to move her away from the toilet that she would spasm (can’t think of any better way to describe in) in protest. I cleaned up what vomit I could from her. It was just constantly trickling out her mouth and over my hand and her face. Eventually it stopped, and we tried to get her to bed again. But she would just spasm and flail in protest (really… I can’t think of any other way to describe it). So eventually I got my MIL to pass me a pillow which I put against my chest, and cradled Erica against me because she just wouldn’t leave the bowl.
It was uber uncomfortable, but I must have fallen asleep as when I checked the time we had been in there for almost an hour. I tried to see if Erica was okay enough to move back to the bed but she flopped her head forward onto the bowl again and just lay there passed out. I tilted her back a bit and she suddenly flopped backwards onto the floor, I just managed to grab her before he smacked her head. Sigh… finally…. she was totally unconscious.
So I lifted her up, which wasn’t easy from the floor, and carried on back to the bed. A few seconds after I place her on the bed what does she proceed to do? Roll over towards the middle of the bed and vomit…. sigh…. by then my MIL was awake again and quickly grabbed towels to stuff under her mouth. So there she was laying on her side, in the middle of the bed, with vomit just trickling out her mouth like a stream. Fun times….
After a minute, that finally stopped. But she had vomit on her again which I did my best to wipe off. Now more fun, she flopped or rolled over suddenly, and smacked her head on the bedside table! Ouch! So I tried to move or roll her towards the centre of the bed so this wouldn’t happen again, but she would just refuse to move or be moved. So I tried to squeeze into the bed beside her and put my arm along the edge of the bedside table so if she flopped over again she wouldn’t smack her head. What happened next? She suddenly punches me in the stomach and pushed me off the bed! I know she was drunk, and I know she had no control, but that really hurt!
So I gave up. I rolled her again towards the middle the best I could, and I came round and lay down beside her on the other side of the bed. I tried to reach out to touch her and comfort her in her drunken slumber but every time I touched her she would randomly tried to punch or kick me. So I gave up, sat upright in bed, and just watched her sleep and tried not to doze off too deeply in case anything happened. I ended up picking up her camera to check out the photos of the night. All I could see was photos of her hands all over the strippers, and their faces and hands all over her. That I didn’t mind so much because after all…. that’s what male strippers do. What I do admit made me feel a tad funny was seeing all the photos of her dancing and seemingly flirting with all these other guys. She was dressed as “Mistress Spank” in this sexy, short little mistress costume with half her bra and boobs showing and seemed to be like anyone taller than her could look straight down into her dress. Seeing photos of her seemingly flirting, dancing, and cavorting with all these other days did trigger some funny feelings in me. I wasn’t angry or jealous at the time, but it did make me feel a tad weird especially given what she told me earlier, and that I had no idea what happened that night.
At 6:30am, Erica managed to get up and go to the toilet. I figured this meant she was sober enough to do what she needed to do without my intervention so I let her be. 10mins later, no sound from the toilet. So I got up to check. I peeped in and saw her sitting on the toilet and so far everything looked okay. So I went back to bed. Another 10mins later, still no response. So I got out of bed and went to check on her again.
She was now passed out face down on the floor of the toilet in a pool of her own vomit…. sigh….. So I cleaned her up again, made sure she had no more vomit coming out, and managed to get her back to bed on her own two feet. Now she was really cold, she was shivering and so I cautiously hugged her in bed, making sure she wasn’t going to hit me again! Seemed to be safe, and so I tried to get some rest. I couldn’t sleep at all because I was just too worried about her condition. The alarm went off at 9am and I got out of bed, kissed her goodbye, and left to go back to my own hotel as I had a long day ahead of me of meeting with the wedding planner and doing other wedding stuff which she was supposed to do with me, but I know had to do by myself.
I was absolutely exhausted with no sleep and worry. I got a call from her around midday sounding absolutely terrible, and attempting to apologise. I found out that she had just thrown up again when she woke up…. sigh… again. I finished up around 12pm and caught a taxi back to her place to check on her. She was still in bed and feeling terrible about herself. She basically had no recollection of me being there to look after her all night, just a vague vague awareness. What a way to make a guy feel appreciated! 😛
But the main thing is that she was alright. Truth be told I was actually quite sad and around 1:30pm I think it hit me quite hard emotionally. I mean, to me wedding day was the most important moment to me in my life and for a few moments it seemed to me that Erica didn’t care enough about it to maintain control of herself. Obviously looking at her in her state, she was NOT going to be 100% for her wedding day and that really affected me, because that day meant so much to me. Erica may tell you that I even may have shed a tear… don’t believe her 😛
It wasn’t the drinking or the photographs or even what I thought at the time she may have done with other guys that night that affected me, but just the thought that the wedding day didn’t mean enough to her to make sure that she was going to be 100% for it, and that really hurt. So we talked about it. There was much emotion, much tears shed, much guilt felt, but everything was okay.
Oh, and she explained that what happened that night when she told me that a guy had stuck his johnson in the blow up doll. Basically they were all walking down the street, and some random dude just grabbed the blow up doll from her, pulled out his willy, and proceeded to rape that dolls mouth. Poor doll….. See, this wasn’t explained clearly to me that night (or at all for that matter). And the part about touching the guys “cock”, well…. basically the stripper unbuttoned his jeans, grabbed her hand, stuck it down his pants, and placed it on his g-string clad knob.
So it was all *quite* innocent, but given that there was absolutely no context given last night, and that she had made it seem that both events were linked, well…. it made it seem like a totally different situation that I’m sure any partner would be worried about!
Now right about here, I was okay with everything. We were okay, and ready to go out and finish the days chores together as Erica had insisted that we do. Until….. After speaking to Ericas sisters and her friends later that afternoon, I found out that Erica was the one whom though smashed at 1:30am after 3 different clubs, insisted on everyone going to Zouk. Basically I found out that she had a guy friend there whom she really wanted to see, and as such insisted on everyone going to Zouk where she proceeded to have more drinks and finally end up in her current state.
Now through the night, I had gone through whole range of emotions. Worry and concern, frustration, sadness, desperation, and probably many more. But not anger. Anger was the one thing that I had managed to avoid, and really, I though I had managed to escape. I was wrong. Basically finding out that she had ended up in her current state because she wanted to on her hens night, go off and meet and drink with a guy that she could meet and drink with at any other time that she chose to, knowing that she was already really really drunk and had a wedding by then the next day, really set me off. I think the realisation put me in a horrendous mood and I just clammed up all afternoon and refused to say anything to her for fear I may say something that I regretted.
Here we were almost upon the most important day of our lives, and on her hens night, which was supposed to be a night with the girls, after 3 clubs, and a big night of drinking and male attention, she still couldn’t get enough and instead of thinking about getting married, all she could think of was meeting up with some guy??? That was really something that I could not understand, comprehend, nor rationalise. She also said that the last time she was anything close to this was at her 21st Birthday party, and even then it wasn’t anywhere near as bad. And so here I was figuring that she obviously has her priorities in order if she deems it okay to get the most drunk she’s EVER been in her entire life, 24 hours before our Wedding day… sigh…
We actually went to pick up the proposal video and by then I still giving Erica the silent treatment as I knew that if I opened my mouth, nothing good was going to come out. It honestly felt to me at that point in time that the wedding really didn’t mean that much to Erica at all, and that the hurt I felt further fuelled my anger. Downstairs from the place where we had to pick up the proposal video, I told Erica to go up and get it herself as I just couldn’t watch it. It would in my current state just hurt me to much to watch it and I just felt that our wedding day was just not going to be the magical day that it was. At that moment I just wished we could cancel the ceremony as technically we’re already married. Anger makes people think stupid things huh?
But eventually after much tears on her part I said fine, lets just go up and get the video and get the whole thing over with. That’s when things finally changed. Watching myself on the proposal video talking about the promises I made to Erica, and about how she meant more to me than anything else in the entire world, made me realise how stupid I was acting. Watching what I said about Erica on the screen, and what she said about me, made me realise that I was a total fool for thinking that our wedding meant nothing to her. It made me realise what a petty and stupid twat I was for getting angry because I chose to believe the worst, not the best in her. It made me realise that even if the wedding wasn’t that important to her, she was the most important thing to me in my life. And that I had promised to put her first before anything else, and that included my emotions. That included putting her before my anger, and making sure that she was happy, and not sad as she was now. I realised without a doubt that she is as proud, and wants to be my wife every bit as much as I am proud of and want to be her husband.
And so, that chapter came to an end. It was indeed a day of memories, both good and bad. But through it I’ve come to learn even more about myself, my weaknesses, as I hope Erica has come to learn of hers too. And with the passing of the bucks night, and now finally the hens, we are both ready to be wed.
PS: And throughout the whole drunken episode, I managed to resist the temptation to take a photo of her in her extreme state of inebriation. I felt that I just couldn’t do that to her as I felt so sorry for her. Only to find out in the morning, that her Dad had taken a photo of her flopped over the toilet…. hah! How funny is that! However, Erica should be thankful that it’s probably the best photo that could be taken of her in her state. Any other photo would have been much worse given all the horrid positions that she was in!