Before the obligatory holiday food poisoning!!! Well actually, I don’t know if it’s food poisoning or not as I’m not suffering from any cramps or pains but nevertheless what I’m going through is still pretty darn unpleasant.
So here I am right now holed up on my lonesome in the Sheraton Hotel in Xiamen, China. From about 10pm to 10am I’ve spent about 9 or 10 of those hours in the toilet. That’s right, and I’m not exaggerating in the least. Since we arrived at the hotel I’ve spent almost every waking minute on the can. I have had absolutely no sleep all night due to some very interesting and chronic bowel movements which has also resulted in a very interesting though unseemly cacophony of associated noises all night. Poor Erica….
I’ve probably managed to grab no more than 40mins of bed time, if that, before having to rush back to the porcelain throne each time and then remaining there for the next couple of hours. I don’t think my intestinal tract has been this clean in a long long time….
Sigh…. It’s all quite odd as besides the fact that I seem be suffering from crapper withdrawal symptoms the moment I venture away from the can for more than 10mins, I’m feeling quite well. With absolutely no sleep under my belt I’m still feeling quite chirpy which is very very strange for me!
Unfortunately for me the best option is to stay in the hotel room today. China is a pretty crap place when it comes to the state of public amenities. In fact, I’ll go on record to say that it’s probably the worst of any country I’ve ever been to. That’s right China, your toilets suck more than Malaysia! And Malaysia’s toilets suck pretty damn bad!!!
Right now Erica is out with her Dad, her sister and mum are back in Singapore, and I’m in room 2303 all by myself typing this post. It’s going to be a long day…. I’m somewhat pissed that I missed out on the breakfast buffet due to the condition of my guts but cest la vie I guess. Hopefully tomorrow will bring see me in a better form.
Oh, and a belated Merry Christmas to everyone!!!!
PS. My ass is on fire…. even toppest of top quality quilted quadruple ply toilet paper will start to feel like shards of broken fiberglass after the gazillionth successive wipe…