The sheer hypocrisy of me telling our dog not to be greedy when she just caught me stuffing my face-hole with pizza at 2am, and woke up from her slumber to beg me for some, is astounding. It’s a pretty ridiculous situation that every dog owner goes through when you think about it, scolding our canine companions for pestering us for food, calling them greedy while here we all are, gluttons personified, gagging ourselves on random chow at every opportunity. Funny how that works. No matter, better live it up now for one day we’ll all suffer the same fate from our monkey overlords.

On a completely separate note, how the hell do people type anything lengthy on an iPad. This is my first time doing so and trying to touch type on it just blows. Maybe it’s just a practice thing…