I discovered a few things about J a few months after moving in with her that unbeknownst to me, would set one of the sad themes of our relationship from start to finish. Little did I realise when I signed up that not only had my relationship begun on a lie, but it would end on one too.
Now initially I didn’t know too much about J’s past, but got the impression from what she mentioned of her history that she’s had a number boyfriends previous. Now as a guy whom was very insecure at the time, and as we all know, insecure people are prone to jealousy, I took solace in whatever facts I could find to think of this relationship as special. And one of those things were that I was the first boyfriend that she’s ever had in this place. Her parents had just bought her the place and so it was her first home to call her own and as such, was special to her. And through that, special to me.
This all changed in a heartbeat when I found out from Alex and Kate one day that she and Steve were in a relationship. The news absolutely crushed me because she had just lied to me about everything. It all suddenly made sense….. That phone call to me in Sydney when she was crying and crying was because that was the night she broke up with Steve because of me. She had cheated on him with me! And also her surprise reaction to me asking about that photo on the fridge when I first visited her apartment. That was because they were still dating.
Suddenly everything just seemed like a whole web of lies and the entire relationship to me was a house built on sand. J had a box of memories that she kept. She was quite sentimental and kept a box of all the letters and stuff from her previous relationships and life. As much as I hated to say it, I went straight through that box when she was at Uni and rifled through it. I saw enough to confirm what Alex and Kate were saying, she had been dating Steve for a number of years now and lied to me about it.
I confronted her when she got home, telling them that I found out from Alex, and she finally told me the truth. She told me that she was afraid I wouldn’t want to be with her if I had known she was still in a relationship with another guy. And that once she started lying about that she just couldn’t go back. Lies compounded upon lies compounded upon more lies. I told her I don’t know if I could do this, that I just felt used and manipulated, that everything I thought was special wasn’t. That she had already had another guy in her bed when she told me I was the first. However, she said that her previous mention of Steve issuing her an ultimatum as to either she went out with him or say goodbye to their friendship was true, and that was why she went out with him and eventually came to love him.
She cried and cried and begged me to forgive her. I eventually did. And so I did my best to forgive and forget about it but I needed an outlet. I loved J, I wanted to be with J, but I couldn’t bring myself to be angry with J. And so…. I unleashed it all on Steve. Firstly, I have no respect for anyone whom issues ultimatums, it’s basically tantamount to emotional blackmail. Secondly, I used that as a base to redirect all my fury and rage from J to him. On Australia Day a year later I think, Alex and I were bored and just felt like idiots. I then suggested why don’t we rock up to Steve’s place and do something. I asked J if she still remembered where he lived and she hesitantly said yes.
And so Alex and I plotted what we were going to do. We rocked up to the Victoria Markets and loaded up with all sorts of crap. Tubs of honey, a lambs head, 2 fucking huge cows tongues, hearts from various animals, pet mince, intestines, you name it. It was crazy! And so we rock up to Steve’s place and snuck into his front yard. He made the big mistake of leaving the window of his car slightly ajar. We proceeded to cover the car in honey, shoved his exhaust full of pet mince, forced the tongue into his car and mailbox, and made a general all round mess of the thing. It was in the middle of summer and come the heat of the next day, it was not going to be pretty with meat tucked in his rims, exhaust, and every other imaginable place! Lucky it was a really really old and shit car…. A really old Holden Barina I think.
We sat the lambs head on the front porch and as a finale for a celebratory Australia Day touch, I put a big stick of fireworks that I picked up in Canberra on the car roof, lit it, and ran! So there we were, watching from the safety of our car as the fireworks shot into the sky (didn’t damage the car as it shot upwards) and Alex and I laughed at our own cleverness. J did see the amusing side but don’t think she actually approved of it. But she didn’t say anything as she wasn’t in a position to say anything regarding Steve or defend him because of what she did.
In retrospect, I’m very ashamed of what I did. It was grossly immature and I should not have taken out my anger at J on him. He still sucks for giving her an ultimatum, but he didn’t deserve that.
Anyway, still yet through the early course of my relationship with J, I discovered more and more about her. I found out that not only did she cheat on Steve with me, but had also cheated on her ex boyfriend before him, this guy called Ming. And before him, he also cheated on her ex boyfriend before Ming! Can’t remember what his name was.
I discovered all this because from what she was telling me of her past, things just didn’t make any sense. She was telling me about this guy and that guy and maintaining that she didn’t cheat on them. Actually the only one she admitted cheating on willingly was Ming. Someone that she truly loved. She had gone to KL on holiday and ended up meeting some guy that she spent a lot of time with. She had a fight with Ming over the phone one day and then as a result just ended up sleeping with this guy….. for the entirety of her trip in KL which was a week. The latter part I forced out of her because she initially tried to give me the impression it was just a one of instance.
Anyway, from what she told me of her past, nothing made sense. As everyone knows, the more you lie, the more you have to keep lying. And when you keep lying, it’s very very hard to keep track of all the lies. And eventually, you WILL slip up. J started slipping up and I started catching her with things she said that just kept either changing or conflicting each other. Eventually my mistrust got the better of me and I went back to her box.
This time, I analysed every letter piece by piece, writing down dates and putting together a timeline. I finally had proof of what I was looking for. Not only did she cheat on me, she cheated on the last 3-4 boyfriends before me. Now I was really worried…..
I’ve said before in The Story of Us that any information gleaned “illegally” is evidence that is inadmissible. There is no excuse for a breach of privacy and I had to figure out a way to confront J with it without seeming like I’ve gone through her history. Over the next week I kept slowly pushing and pushing her, hitting her from left to right with bits of what she’s said previously, trying to catch her out and prove to her the conflicting statements that she’s given me. I didn’t have much luck and so I tried one more thing….. it sounded pretty implausible, but I gave it a shot.
I told her that I just had a dream the night before that two of her ex’s she was talking about, they weren’t on separate occasions. I told her that I dreamt she cheated on one with the other, and that I can’t get rid of the gut feeling I have. Straight out I said that I know in my heart she’s not telling me the truth as my instincts are always right, and in that dream I saw the whole picture so clearly, and I pointed out all the conflicting bits of evidence straight out. I pushed and pushed and pushed and she finally caved…. and her answers were shocking.
She had gone back to Kuching one year on holiday and met a new guy whom was a friend of a friend. One night, she ended up at his place. What I say now is exactly what she told me. They were “bored” and just started playing a “game”. She would take off an item of clothing, and then he would take off an item of clothing. She would take her top off, and he would take his shirt off. She would take her skirt off, and he would take his pants off.
I was absolutely shocked, this was a “game”??? What the fuck kind of game was this???? And so it came down them both in their underwear. She was trying to get him to take his boxers off, but he was too shy. And so what does she do? She strips fully naked. Yeah… some game. But it gets better.
He’s still apparently very shy and is unwilling to take off his boxers and so she kneels in front of him…. then just pulls his boxers down. And that’s the game, both of them there naked. But wait…. it gets better still.
She said he had a very small penis and she burst out laughing. The poor guy was apparently very shy about it. So what does she do? I guess apparently she did what she thought any girl would do. She put his cock in her mouth and started sucking on it.
KABOOM!!!!!! I just went “WHAT THE FUCK??? THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF A FUCKING GAME???”. Apparently it was because she got defensive and exploded back at me! Asking me what my problem was? She kept maintaining that she did nothing wrong and it was harmless! I told her she had a boyfriend and it was cheating plain and simple! She maintained that it wasn’t, it’s not like he came or anything!!!
By then my head was spinning, I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Surely this must be a dream. It wouldn’t surprise me if I had started to click my heels together and say out loud “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home”.
Crazy isn’t it? BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!!! And so I force myself to calm down, told myself that I asked for the truth and so I’m getting it, and apologised to her. I then calmly asked her what happened next. She said she ended laying on the bed, he played with her a little, then thrust his cock inside her.
KABOOM!!!! As much as I tried to hold myself back, out it came again “WHAT THE FUCK??!!!!”. She kept protesting that she did NOT have sex, and that his dick was so small she could hardly feel it. So to be clear, I said that he had his dick inside her but they didn’t have sex???!!! She said that’s correct. Apparently he just had a few thrusts inside her and that was it. Apparently as far as she knew, he didn’t orgasm.
That was the last straw, I exploded again and boy did we fight. We fought for hours over that one!!! In fact, I think we fought sporadically over the next few days over that one. She kept maintaining she didn’t cheat on her boyfriend and didn’t do anything wrong at all. What they did was just harmless fun and she would not apologise for any of it. She said I was getting worked up over nothing. And when I say “said”, I really meant yelled.
The smart money would have been on me leaving Melbourne right then and there, dashing off into the distance as far away from her as my legs could carry me. But….. I was still in love with her. I don’t know how, I don’t know why…. but I stuck by her…. and I did my best to forget about her past and telling myself that the past was just that. That I should not hold what was done in history over her now in the present. Over the next few months or year or whatever, I almost had a full picture of her history in it’s entirety….. as far as I knew anyway. For all I know it could all still be a complete fabrication.
I remember an occasion where she found a photo she liked from her past and called me over to see it. It was a picture of her naked, with a pillow covering all her privates, that was taken by Ming. I asked in exasperation, what on earth would possess her to show me a picture of her hiding naked behind a pillow, in the SAME holiday resort at Lorne that she took me for a weekend trip away on my first visit down to Melbourne, that was taken by her ex boyfriend, and obviously taken just before or after they fucked. She said the didn’t consider that and apologised for it.
Little J from the small city of Kuching. Where like most small cities, people are generally quite conservative. Little J whom by her teens had slept with most of her circle of friends and already had a reputation in her school. When I met her at the age of 20, she had already slept with about 18 guys. I think I was the 18th guy. And the cherry on top of the cake? Her parents were both church ministers. Heads of their chinese methodist church back in Kuching. Her mother was also an english teacher whom owned her own chain of english tuition schools.
J told me the story of her mum finding her diary one day, and reading of some of her sexual exploits in her teens. I believe they didn’t speak to each other for weeks…. All of you may wonder how the fuck I could deal with a girlfriend whom was capable of such a thing. Well… that answer was not without some severe brainwashing, and that was how I came to this. For all whom have read it, you may have wondered as to what exactly I was talking about. Well now you know. It was a defensive mechanism that I created and used to help me get past that. I spent so many months struggling to cope with her sexual history that I came close to calling it quits many many times. But I loved this girl, and told myself the past was just that, the past. That I had no right to put my insecurities onto her shoulders and make her feel guilty for what she’s already done. And so ended up formulating a way to deal with all her checkered sexual and relationship history. And for right or wrong, it worked, and I still continue to use that mindset to my advantage to this day. Once again, what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger, and that experience has certainly allowed me to evolve into a stronger person.
Both men and women are capable of being extremely naive creatures. We may not lie to others, but it’s almost a given that we lie to ourselves time and time again. I told myself that J is different now. That she’s not like that anymore. That I’m different. That maybe they didn’t love her, but I did. That she would see that and stay true to me. And honestly, I do think she tried…. but unfortunately failed.
The worst, again, was still yet to come…..
Edit: Oh, and I forgot to mention that at one point J and her friend Mel discussed the arrangement of a foursome between her, myself, Mel, and her boyfriend. As tempting as the idea of an orgy was back then in certain respects, there’s no way I would consider doing it with my own partner. If I was single, horny, and it was a walk in situation with a couple of hotties then yeah… perhaps. But with my own partner that I’m in love with? Nuh uh… Thankfully, Mel’s boyfriend felt the same way. So yeah, strangely enough, we had a situation where the 2 girls wanted an orgy and the 2 guys didn’t. Go figure…