Last night was the first night in I’m not really sure how long that Erica and I have slept apart. In fact, I really can’t remember when was the last time we did. All I can say is, it’s awful lonely being in bed all by yourself when you’re used to having someone there with you. No hand to reach out and touch, to leg to intertwine with yours, no head to lay nestled into your shoulder, no ear to breath goodnight in…
Actually, it’s not simply that. It’s awful lonely just being away from the other half of yourself knowing that they are far away from you. Even though we’ve been together for 3.5 years, seeing her is still the highlight of my day, each and every day.
Through work days which I love, and especially those that I hate, thinking of coming home to my wife really helps me to push through the day. To hear her voice, to see her face, to feel her loving embrace… So knowing that she’s just so far away and that I don’t have her to come home to just makes those horrible days that little bit worse.
I guess that’s one of the reasons why for all the good times that great feelings stemming from a wonderful relationship generates, objectively speaking, it’s hard not to view a relationship as a weakness, as a crutch. It’s an awful feeling to feel your heart rendered in half when your partner is away from you.
To surrender your emotional independence to the whim and mercy of another party. To entrust all that defines your most important priorities in life and happiness to just a mere mortal whom can shred it all to pieces with one single unconscious action.
It’s pretty stupid huh? I guess that’s why humans are weak. Because emotions are a weakness.
Even though we may go for hours just doing our own things separately in the house, it’s just comforting to know that the other is there. Even though words may not be spoken, the unity in our presence makes me feel complete. Right now… I can’t wait to be complete again. 3 more days remaining…