My plans for a late night kebab has failed! Damn it I tells you!!! I was so looking forward to it too!

Earlier today wondering around the Ghim Moh area, I came across a kebab shop in a HDB food court. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It seemed like the most random type of food establishment in a most random place. I mean, kebab stores are not very common at all in Singers but the last place you’d expect to find one is under a HDB but yet… here is one!

They had homemade tabouleh, tahini, and all the good stuff! And not only that, they actually had an eastern european looking fella at the helm! Could this possibly be? Is my quest to find a decent kebab in SG about to finally yield some dividends? I simply couldn’t wait to find out! I spoke to the guy whom told me that he uses tortilla instead of lebanese bread to cater to local tastes but well… I kinda expected that given that lebo bread isn’t exactly something you see very much of in this country.

And so 30mins ago, I decided to go for my kebab. Just the mere prospect of wrapping my lips around that oily calorie laden shaft of meaty goodness had me salivating at the lips. And so I arrive at the store, rubbing my hands in glee and licking my lips with anticipation… only to be told… no more beef!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Only chicken left. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! A kebab is not a kebab if it has no beef!!! Chicken? Pffttt… what has chicken ever done for anyone? Chicken is the most overrated and boring meat that ever was. Screw you chicken, gimme my beef!!! I want… no, NEED my kebab filled with tender succulent pieces of cow hooves, lips, and anus! Actually truth be told I always get my kebabs mixed.

The chicken serves to temper the sheer awesome flavour punch that only the reject parts from a bovine factory can give. Unfortunately… it was not to be. And not only that, the Turkish or Lebanese looking dude was nowhere to be seen. Instead replaced by an awkward asian looking dude that stared queerly at me when I told him I wanted tabouleh not as a side, but in my kebab. My damn moo moo free kebab. And I forgot to order it with cheese as well. Confound it!

But positive things happen to positive people and so I tried to make lemonade from my lemons, and hoped that this kebab would go some way to tiding me over until I can return for a beefy shaft to hit me right where I need it. Ooerr… maybe I should rephrase that…

How was it? Well actually not bad. It’s probably about as good as a kebab with no beef, cheese, or tabouleh is gonna get here in Singapore. Which is actually quite a promising sign since the last kebab I had at Clarke Quay made me go “This is pretty darn average…”. And that was the first kebab I have had since I moved to Singapore.

Now how would I describe a kebab with no beef? Let me see… I would have to say that it was like the Rolling Stones were having a party in my mouth, and Mick Jagger wasn’t invited. Yeah that’s it. A kebab without beef is like the Stones without Jagger, or U2 without Bono, or a porno without a money shot.

There is certainly some entertainment value to be had but the main highlight is sorely and notably missed.

But I”m still full of hope. I can’t wait to return to get my beefy fill. Kebab Xpress, don’t let me down! Perhaps tomorrow after the gym.