Argh… it’s almost 5am and I’m still awake. An issue that was probably helped in no part by my unfortunate and unplanned nap earlier. The lights are off, the house is quiet… it’s so peaceful. I’m quite enjoying the solitude, just me and my nightcap.
Unfortunately, given the todays proximity to Halloween, there will be no similar joy tomorrow night. Noisy kids banging at the door demanding candy, all manner of poorly re-created ghouls and goblins walking the streets. It’s enough to make a make-up professional barf in horror at these parent painted monstrosities.
No… can’t say that I’m a fan of Halloween at all. Halloween isn’t really a big thing here in Australia. We don’t live it large and get into the spirit of things like our US and UK neighbours. The whole trick or treat thing is quite subdued and we nary see sign of a carved pumpkin anywhere. It’s a silly concept anyway. Those Celtics must have been pretty damn drunk when they came up with this whole thing. Then again, since when is a Celt not drunk? Zing!
I would probably go as far as to say that Halloween in most of the non-pumpkin carving countries is a far bigger deal amongst adults than it is kids. Which brings me to another reason I dislike this festive period. I hate theme parties. Oh gosh to I hate them. I love food theme parties, but I hate dress-up theme parties. I make a point to try and avoid theme parties like the plague. But girls seem to love that sorta shit for some reason. Whilst girls, generally speaking, put so much time and effort into finding a costume, I at the minimum just try to find a black T-shirt, and at the most just pair it with black pants and say I’m Asian Neo… the one that didn’t need to download kung fu but needed the driving manual instead. But mostly, I pretend to be sick and avoid the whole thing. *cough* My herpes are flaring! *cough*
There is however a flip side to this coin. Normally I would complain further about girls and their penchant for dressing up theme style (only because it means that they hound me to attend these things), but Halloween tends to allow for some exceptions to that rule. Why? Halloween sluts. That’s why. I love me my Halloween sluts, and thankfully, the whole Halloween slut trend is on the rise.
Slutty vampires, slutty pirates, slutty nurses, slutty zombies, slutty cops, slutty soldiers, slutty cosplay, slutty batgirls, slutty angels, slutty fallen angels, slutty devils, slutty Wilma and Betty, and even a slutty wookie and cookiemonster of all things!!! And just when when I thought I’d seen it all… What was that slogan from the Guinness ad again? Oh yeah that’s right, “Brilliant!!!”.
For these girls, I’m willing to brave a pre-defined quota of goofy guys in their damn zombie doctor outfits or worse, Borat mankinis. Of course the show isn’t perfect, but sometimes you just have accept the good with the bad. Like a fatty aiming for sexy devil but instead hitting coming off as giant frickin’ tomato… with a pitchfork. Or a lardicious strumpet aiming to be Wonder Woman but instead achieves wandering woman. A woman wondering why all the guys around her are gouging their eyes out. Cest la vie I guess, where there’s sunshine there’s also sunburn. Where there’s flowers there’s also fertilizer.
So yeah… not looking forward to the incessant door knocking tomorrow. As much as I’m hoping to open the door and find me some slutty hellspawn, I’ll most likely end up with some snot nosed lil’ Batman holding up a bag half-filled with almost expired candy.
Except for Lil’ Robocop of course, he awesome.